I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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