remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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