we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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