The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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