Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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