please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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