oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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