She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
