Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
