i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Still dying that you shit outside
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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