God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
