I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
