mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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