My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize