RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
