We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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