wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
