how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
