I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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