Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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