so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
