Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just sent this text using only my big toe
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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