In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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