Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize