last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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