Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
