Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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