dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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