My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
