I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
