It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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