home. puking in laundry basket.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
