taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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