they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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