I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
