I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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