I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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