yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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