Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize