Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
