Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
