i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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