I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
