he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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