bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize