You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
