My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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