I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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