I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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