I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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