Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize