ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
