12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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