Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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