well I can't set my house on fire every night
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
