my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
